Views from the Fu's

How NOT to Parent: Martial Arts Lesson

If you are going to Judo-Chop your kid, always make sure he/she is in the proper uniform. Also there is no smiling in Judo.

Parenting Basics: Nobody cares about your baby (as much as you)

Remember how it gets kind of boring when someone is showing you endless pictures of their new “super-cute” baby or telling the “adorable” story of that time their baby made himself spit up by sticking his hand in his mouth?

I don’t. So…

WHO WANTS TO SEE A VIDEO OF MILES CRAWLING (forward and everything!)? It’s pretty awesome. I can’t believe how incredibly proud me and Sarah are over something so seemingly pedestrian. Just imagine how we’ll feel when he makes the NBA or defuses a live nuclear bomb…

Miles's first words?

This morning Miles was whining for his bottle and repeatedly babbling “nai nai nai!” – It occurred to me and Sarah that for several weeks now, whenever he seems hungry, he always whines in the same way, and says “nai nai nai,” until he sees his bottle, and then he laughs.

For some reason I never really put it all together—“nai” means “milk” in Chinese (as well as “boob,” and “grandma”).

I’ve never taught Miles to say milk in Chinese, but being that the Chinese are so awesome, I wouldn’t be surprised if the word was actually created because of this particular type of baby speak.

If words were named after baby gibberish, it would also explain why variations of “ma ma” and “da da” appear in so many languages, and they happened to be some of Miles’s first babbles.

I’ve always thought that it was up to adults to teach babies how to speak, but I guess in some way, it was actually babies who taught adults. Crazy!

What's Miles up to?

The most common question I get as a parent is, "How old is the baby now?" As soon as I respond "x months and x weeks", I can usually tell whether or not the person I'm talking to has kids or not. If they do, a knowing smile will cross their face and they'll laugh and start talking about what their kid was like at that age. If the don't then I get a blank look accompanied by a nod. I realized it's because once babies are out of the "alien" stage, it's all pretty congruous until he's reached a milestone like walking or talking.

So, to help out those of you who don't have kids, I've made a list of some of the things Miles is doing this week (month 7, week 1):

• Rolling from tummy to back and vice versa.
• Sitting up from a fully reclined position.
• Gaining some rhythm and keeping the beat by slapping his hands to music.
• Showing a clear preference for certain stories and picture books.
• Ripping apart a necklace, spilling a string of beads all over the floor.
• Crawling backward.
• Growing out of all his pants.
• Tearing magazines and books cover to cover.
• Waving bye-bye.
• Pushing a very hard tooth up through very tender gums
• Touching a cat named Thomas.
• Pinching and scratching mom.

Baby Product Placement

We use pampers because the hospital gave them out as free samples (I realize its a dumb reason). Little did we know Miles was about to be brainwashed...

How NOT to Parent: Stroller Fail

From the Failblog:

This lady definitely picked the wrong stroller. look at how uncomfortable that baby looks. Should have gone with the Stokke

Family Resemblance

Lately a few people have been giving me a hard time cause they say that Miles looks more like Sarah than me. Totally untrue. But then I got to thinking about how I've always thought that Miles looks a lot like Sarah's dad, but he definitely doesn't look unlike my dad. I'll let you guys be the judge.
 

How NOT to Parent: Stephen Fowler

Sorry about all the HNTPs (no doo doo involved this time, Sarah), but I just can't get over this guy Stephen Fowler. He has single-handedly elevated "Wife Swap" from guilty pleasure to cultural phenomenon. Well, he got some help from his douchey wife (and maybe some creative editing). Good luck showing your faces around America ever again guys.

update:  video re-posted. Not sure how long it will stay up...

How NOT to Parent: Reporter lets kids EAT doo doo

This article in the New York Times discusses how dirt may be somewhat good for kids, and the reason why kids are always putting everything in their mouth is actually an instinctive mechanism to make sure they get that nutritious dirt.

Well I'm all for letting your kid explore, and we definitely don't freak out about how Miles puts everything in his mouth, but check the second paragraph of this article:

"When my young sons were exploring the streets of Brooklyn, I couldn’t help but wonder how good crushed rock or dried dog droppings could taste when delicious mashed potatoes were routinely rejected." [emphasis added]

It's subtle, but the thing is, when a parent says something subtlely, especially in regards to bad parenting, they are totally trying to hide the truth. So when this lady playfully implies that she saw her kid trying to eat doo doo, she really means that when she wasn't looking he ate the whole log.

Parenting Basics: Baby Bias

When you are a parent you think that your baby is the cutest baby of all time. Even when he is just a newborn, during the "alien" stage, you might say something like "Man, Miles is way cuter than any other baby I've ever seen." You are wrong. One day you will look back at old pictures and wonder what the heck you were thinking, he wasn't even cute at all. In fact, he is SO MUCH CUTER NOW THAN HE WAS BACK THEN! That's right, six month old Miles is way cuter than six day old Miles, and is the new reigning "cutest baby of all time."